I am suddenly finding out how important I truly am.

I cant seem to understand the thought process of his mind. Does he think its okay to tell me he wants to see me, and wants to come out today, and then blows me off for his friends? Yeah. I'm thinking not. I'm thinking I'm just simply not as important as he say's I was. Am I being selfish? I'm sure it is a bit selfish, I am only thinking of myself here. He is the sick one, he is the one who is in pain. But he is also the one who said he was coming here. And he is also the one who blew me off. Several times today. I don't get it.

I might have said something really stupid to him. I might have just cost my entire relationship with him. But I had to say it, I needed to get what I was feeling off my chest. When I talk to him, he acts like its a big joke, like a freaking game.

What I said to him (in a text of course):
Do you have any idea how it feels for someone to tell you they care about you, say they want to see you and the reason they aren't is cause they don't feel well. And then to find out they are chillin with their friends instead? And its just a big fucking joke to them? Hurts a lot. I don't like it. Not one bit. And it seems like its just a game to you right now. So as I said before, when you actually want to see me, contact me. Cause I cant afford to be broken anymore.


Maybe that was a bit rash. But it needed to be said. He needs to know I feel like I'm a game right now, a toy if you will that he likes to see and play with once or twice every few weeks. I'm not a toy or a game or a convenience. I'm a human, and his girlfriend and I shall be treated as such. Its bull shit that I'm not and I don't have to take it.