self absorbed......

I got notice today that I am self absorbed and selfish....

News flash:
ALREADY KNEW THAT!

Sorry. I only get that way, when someone forces me to be that way. When you feel like you have to fight for 5 minutes of someones time you get a bit selfish. Every second counts. Every moment is precious. You thrive for that time...

But the time is filled with jokes, pain... sorrow............ anguish.. Reality sets in. What is this? Is this a life? Waiting for that call, text.. or even email... its hell. Pure hell. Do I.. no scratch that, Did I deserve that life? That Hell? No. No one does. I made it clear to this person that I will NOT wait any longer for him. Yes I loved him, very much so. But I will not, could not, can not put myself through that any longer.

I cant sit here and deny that I was never selfish to this person, about his time. Because in all honesty I was. I got selfish when he'd tell me he was going to see me, and then 'oops something came up, sorry'. So I'd get upset and seem, or be, selfish.

I don't want this to seem as if this is a pity party for Julie. Its not. This is a door closing. I'm simply writing it out, for the door to close air tight and sealed forever. Lock the 15 bolts, melt the keys into a pretty door stop.. toss that bitch in front of the steel door and we'll call it good.

So here it is folks, the last key on the door. Its locked, and we're never turning back.