Monster

His little whispers.
Love Me. Love Me.
That's all I ask for.
Love Me. Love Me.
He battered his tiny fists to feel something.
Wondered what it's like to touch and feel something.
Monster.
How should I feel?
Creatures lie here.
Looking through the window...
That night he caged her.
Bruised and broke her.
He struggled closer.
Then he stole her.
Violet wrists and then her ankles.
Silent Pain.
Then he slowly saw their nightmares were his dreams.
Monster.
How should I feel?
Creatures lie here.
Looking through the windows.
I will.
Hear their voices.
I'm a glass child.
I am Hannah's regrets.
Monster.
How should I feel?
Turn the sheets down.
Murder ears with pillow lace.
There's bath tubs.
Full of glow flies.
Bathe in kerosene.
Their words tattooed in his veins, yeah.


"Monster" by Meg & Dia

new house

Well.... I'm here...

We're still unpacking, boxes everywhere which none of us like.

Kitchen is huge, but too small for all of our stuff lol.

Dogs wanna play with the cat.. cat's not having it, she clawed me up today trying to get away from them UGH.

House is a wreck, so much to fix.. have to paint. I just went and put test spots in my bathroom. One coat of the yellow to see if it needs 2, which for a brighter color it will, and I want it bright, its a very dark bathroom. The blue matches my carebears stuff perfectly. YES I have carebears, I love them, and Sami helped me pick them out, so I'm keeping them for as long as they will last.

My boyfriend is being a.. he's not being anything cause he rarely talks to me anymore. I don't know, I'm probably reading into it too much, but it feels like he is really putting more space between us, and if that's the case, all he has to do is say so. I honestly don't know... all I know is that it hurts either way.

I'm really depressed and I don't know if its because of Adam being so distant or other things.. its probably a combo of it all.

Rest in Peace

Last night Our dear Captain and friend, Captain Phillip Harris passed away. He suffered a massive stroke on January 29th. He was doing fantastic and something went wrong.

My Prayers are with his father and boys. He will be missed terribly by my family.

My mother has worked very closely with Phil and the boys for almost 2 years, running his coffee company; Captain's Reserve Coffee (www.captainsreservecoffee.com).

Always in our thoughts and prayers!

♥

Eff this Shhittt

nuff said.

What if....

What if what you say is a lie?

How would I handle that?

Honestly...
I can't answer that, because I don't know how I could handle that.

What if you don't love me?

How could I handle that?

I couldn't.
I would be crushed, more than heartbroken.
My heart is already damaged, but I know that this will be more than damage done.

Why do I feel abandoned?
Why do I constantly feel like I am going to burst into tears?
Why do I have this constant feeling in my gut that something is wrong?

Is it just me?

No one can answer these questions...
No one, but you.

Always & Forever

I had a day full of such doubt in myself.

I sat at a table with my best friend watching my son's sisters birthday party. The entire time I sat there, watching her. What on Earth did I do, or what is wrong with me, for someone to cheat on me.. with HER. She's loud, can be very rude (most of the time is) not pretty at all..........

I sat there going through my head.. my faults, that I'm obviously not very pretty if someone can cheat on me with.. again, her. I must be a total psycho bitch.